Monday, July 9, 2012
Engagement and insecurity
So let me first start out by saying some of this post comes from a little bit of hurt feelings that I received today. A girl dreams of getting engaged, well I think most do. And it really is an amazing feeling. It is a commitment towards marriage and acceptance and love etc... But then once you get engaged at least when I did your life becomes a display. How did he propose, ring Picts on Facebook (which I refuse to do), when are you getting married, where are you getting married. And for me that is when it began. Now this is coming from someone that always has lots of opinions and am more than happy to share them, but seriously I would hope that I was never as mean and judgmental as some people have been to me recently...at the same time I guess what goes around comes around. Ouch! Someone told me the day they got engaged they reserved the venue because they couldn't imagine how anyone would want to have it somewhere else. Then they asked me where my wedding was, followed by "oh it's not downtown...I have never heard of that place???". Seriously?? Other comments include...oh you know it could rain if you do an outdoor wedding right? Wow no I had totally not thought of that thanks for bringing that to my attention. I told a friend we were using similar flowers at the rehearsal dinner as the wedding...that way we could reuse and save money. Response: "that will ruin the reveal of your wedding colors on your wedding day". All I can say to them is no offense but I cannot remember a single persons rehearsal dinner flowers except for 1, and it wasn't the person that said it. I am just venting now. The point is I am sorry if I ever made anyone feel that way! Despite loving to cut up and acting silly sometimes I really don't like to feel like my life is on display. It makes me feel really self conscious and insecure. It also makes me try to be more sensitive about the things I say to other people. I am sure at some point I have said something that has made someone feel the same way I feel, and that hurts my heart! The truth is at the end of the day the only thing that people will know you for is your character, how well you love, honesty, integrity, and the kind of friend you are. That is why in the next 10 months I am going to be more careful of what I say, try to be less judgmental and more loving, less opinionated and more accepting. I will be planning an event that lasts 8 hours, while the "life display" continues I hope that people see a soft, sweet, compassionate person, that will hopefully be an impression for years to come. Long after the memories of may 11, 2013 fade.